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Worm Dreams


I used to own a retail store and twice a year I'd go to the Javits Center for the gift show, a trade show of wholesale vendors for all kinds of shops. It was a monstrous trek to wade through all of the stuff there, looking for new items that my customers would love. Inevitably, I would lie in bed the night after a day at the show and the overload of visual stimulus would march across my eyelids: figurines and boxes and windchimes and wall plaques and necklaces and on and on. Once I got very sick after a trade show and was tortured all night with dreams about picking out the right tabletop fountain.

Steve has made me a screen for my compost and I spent much of yesterday screening my first batch of compost and dressing beds with it. As I lay in bed last night, the visions in my mind were all fat earthworms and centipedes. You'd thing that would be the nightmare but I swear it was the sweetest serenity.


During the late winter, when all the garden catalogs arrive in the mail, I can't close my eyes at night without seeing flowers. And then in spring, I can't close my eyes without seeing weeds! How much compost did you make? I always have to buy more to supplement what we make, and I dream of the day when I can dress my beds solely with homemade stuff!

Mon 05/08/2006 5:00PM e-mail home page

Hey Christy, this is Rich, I changed the link to my blog yet again, to make it more anonymous, you'll notice it does not have my name anywhere. So can you change the link to it? I had to sort of hide my identity on it, to avoid having random people come across it and know who I am, or worse, to have people who are thinking of hiring me who look at my website find my blog and then go, "WTF is wrong with this guy?" You might notice I changed the way I linked to it from richmcgrew.com, for instance, to be deliberately misleading but honest in the literal sense. So here is the new link... you could just call the link "Numinous Ubiquity" since that is the name of the blog and the URL and the name I post under.


P.S. Lately I have been having dreams involving very beautiful young women my age, where things never quite get very far with me and them, which is odd, because aren't dreams supposed to be wish fulfillment? It is like my subconscious is trying to brainwash me into thinking I am going to get rejected all the time. But whenever I wake up from one of those dreams, I go back to sleep, because for some reason, I really enjoy those dreams. It's like I don't even care whether I am accepted or rejected, I just enjoy looking at them, because they are imaginary and in a dream world and perfect in some sort of utopian way that could never exist in the real world. Well actually, they are perfect in every way, physical appearance just being the most obvious (since they are part of an imaginary perfect utopia where nothing has any flaws except for me, meaning I don't belong there, I belong in the real world where things actually do have flaws). But come to think of it, they never actually reject me in these dreams, they just keep stringing me along and playing hard to get until I wake up, and I never find out what happens. But even that is weird, because if they are perfect in every way, why would they be doing all that playing hard to get nonsense in the first place? Maybe because all the men in that world are also perfect in every way, so they would never have any reason to settle for someone from this world where everything is flawed. But they are the nicest people ever, and never once do they ever do or say anything in the least bit hurtful... Dreams are weird. I guess the real meaning of these dreams might be, I am kind of obsessed about being a perfectionist, even when it is unrealistic. And the other meaning is, I can't stop thinking about girls, to such an extent that I don't just think about girls all the time when I am awake but also all the time I am asleep. It would be nice if I could turn that part of my mind off sometimes to think about other things more clearly. I guess it is just an instinct, just like you have your motherly instincts. This must be the type of thing that keeps the human race going for so many generations.

Wed 05/17/2006 2:02AM e-mail home page